To The FemmeMobile! Away!

{January 10, 2010}   On butch women

The other night, my sister commented that when she dated, she tended to date guys who were more conservative than she/we are (which, admittedly, is about 99.9999% of the population). My mom looked at her like she was out of her ever-lovin’ mind, while I nodded from the corner.

“Right!” I piped in. “Because they’re chivalrous, more family-oriented–”

Marste started nodding, too.

“That’s why I like butch women. All that, and liberal.” I grinned, everyone laughed, and the conversation moved on.

Actually, over the last little while I’ve had a lot of conversations with people about why I love butch women. At dinner the other night a gay guy started harping on a dyke he’d seen, all big boots and tattoos, and I started to look either misty-eyed or lustful, depending on what rating you’d like to imagine. He changed his tune pretty quick, but not quick enough to keep me from saying how very attractive that was.

The image is part of it. Big boots, muscular shoulders and arms, rugged face, short hair, just this side of feminine, masculine but female, tattoos, piercings, clothes meant to make her look flatter and more square– I could go on, but I should stop at some point. Really. (Callused hands, omg. Excuse me as I’ve managed to melt myself into a puddle of goo over here.)

And the look, well, that’s what makes me turn my head. And it’s the chivalry, no doubt about that, either. I don’t want to be treated as breakable, but I adore being treated as dear. It makes me feel loved and precious to have someone open doors for me, let me go first, crook their arm so I can take it as we walk down the street. It makes me feel cared for and sheltered.

But aside from all that, there’s something else. Something that draws me like nothing else. It’s the… I don’t even know how to phrase it. I know that butch women take flack for dressing and acting like they do. I read consistently about them getting chased out of women’s bathrooms, threatened by men, harassed by both straight people and the gay community that’s supposed to support them. And yet, they are who they are. They don’t back down, or turn tail and run. They lift their chins and do it anyway, because it’s right for them. That is attractive. The self-knowledge strong enough to do what is right for yourself in the face of anger and attack. It’s something I admire. I see someone like that and I think, “Yes. That’s someone who will move forward with me, who will never keep from doing what’s right just because it’s hard, who won’t sacrifice themselves to make someone else happy. That is who I want in my life.”

It’s funny; in a lot of ways I feel that way about soldiers. I don’t agree with the current war, but I have incredible respect for those who fought or are fighting in it. The fact that they’re willing to do what they believe is right in the face of a populace saying no is admirable. That word sounds too stuffy and removed, but it’s the correct word. (I wouldn’t date one of those guys, because we’d probably kill each other over politics, but I still admire them. ;-D)

I know, though, as I write this, that it’s the energy I’m attracted to. The rest of this? It’s a bonus. But I’m not attracted to other femme women, or even lesbian women. I’m attracted to butch women, and that’s about it. It’s more than what I admire, because there are other things I admire in other people. It’s more than the look and the chivalry. Maybe it’s all those combined; maybe it’s something else I haven’t identified yet, maybe I’m just kidding myself. But god, I love butch women.



HEY! So nice to meet you, JB. 🙂 I LOVE the butch too! Especially that “juxtaposition” of masculine with a few, carefully placed female qualities (such as the voice, the hands, the breasts–SWOON!). You obviously already read DD, but there’s a great discussion of butchness here that you might be interested in if you haven’t already stopped by: .

JB says:

Hey! I’m glad you came over! 😀

Oh, yeah, I always forget how that juxtaposition gets to me. There’s so many things, I can’t remember all of them to write them down! *grins* I’ve headed over to DD’s post now — thank you for pointing it out! 😀


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