To The FemmeMobile! Away!

{February 5, 2010}   So much to write, so little time!

I have Things to say. So many, many things. First, a round up!

On my question of how femme is subversive, Phi gave me a very good response that I’ve been mulling over, which is that (now I might get this wrong, but that’s why I linked it!) femme is subversive because it’s taking femininity, and saying that femininity is innately powerful, too. There’s also a power dynamic there that’s missing in traditional femininity, (I have spelled that word differently every time I’ve spelled it, each time wrong! Good thing for spellcheck!) a sort of acknowledgment that the feminine things I do are powerful. To quote Phi’s response:

Likewise, the ‘making your partner dinner’-type fantasy reads as femme to me because it’s another instance of doing something that’s stereotypically thought of as subservient, but in a way gives power. (In the sense of, ‘I have the power to make you happy by making your favorite food,’ or something like that. I think this is why I love making desserts…)

(Phi, love, you can make me desserts ANY TIME. *grins*)

Most feminism strengthens women while, at best, making feminine things neutral. Femme says that feminine things are powerful, and doing them does not make women subservient. It’s subverting femininty into a power dynamic, instead of a submissive dynamic.

I think. *laughs*

On bisexuality, Mel said this:

Everyone has a list of things that they’re attracted to. Y’know, like this sort of shape, this sort of look, this sort of personality. We all have this, we’re not all attracted to everyone, even of the preferred gender. And I have quite the list. But my list doesn’t have a Male/Female ticky box.

I love this! Bisexual means that you like men and women, so it adds something to me (something I feel doesn’t belong). But this feels more accurate — it’s not that I’ve added liking more sexes to my range, it’s that I’ve taken away caring which it is. This feels much more accurate. …Which  means I’m ticky box sexual? ;-D

What else? G had a post about what being butch means to her, specifically. About what her butch is — as opposed to what butch is “supposed” to be. It got me thinking. (Run! Run now, before it’s too late!) (You ever type something like that and wonder what it says about you? Am I just having fun or am I expressing a buried, subconscious fear of rejection/dislike of my self, taught by our self-hating society or possibly that one kid in kindergarten? Hmmm…) (Obviously, I am in a tangential mood. Run! Run now, before it’s too late!) G’s post got me thinking about two things, actually. One of the things was what makes me feel the most femme. What I consider to be femme about myself. The other was kinks.

“Mwah?” I hear you cry.

Okay, I don’t mean sexual kinks, per se. (I have a sex post coming at some point! Just… so many things to write about, so little time!) I mean… every day kinks. People kinks. S.O. kinks.

I can’t decide if my post should be about what makes me femme, or kinks. Oh, sure, I could do two posts, but let’s not be crazy here. ;-D I think I’ll start with one, and then move on to the other! Gasp! Brilliant idea.

Post One: Femme!

What makes me feel femme? What is it I do or say that makes me go, in that moment, “That was femme of me”? Good question.

I paint my nails. This is a new thing for me (I seriously need more colors.), and part of me worries about my poor nails, hidden under that chemical and color. I try not to think about it. ;-D Anyway, I’ve only started doing this in the last little while. When I look down at my painted, shiny nails, I feel very femme. I also feel invincible, like that businesswoman who’s untouchable, so put together and perfect and very, very fierce. The one everyone wants and everyone is equally afraid of, who does everything the boys do but does it with perfect nails. Ohyes.

I wear strident colors that aren’t normally paired. Today it’s baby blue, paired with a burgundy camisole and jewelry.  I wear hats. Not all the time, but I feel quite coy when I do, and distinctly femme. I wear ribbons around my throat, silk or sheer, tied in a bow at the nape of my neck. Sometimes I dangle pendants or charms from them (my favorites being a seashell and a silver dragon). I have a femme walk. I don’t do it all the time, but occasionally I’ll catch myself with the femme walk. It’s a strut, a walk that says “I know I’m hot, and you know I’m hot, and I’m hot for her. Come talk to me, if you think you can. Also, I’m going to smile and wink at you from across the room, because I’m a little bit of a tease like that.” (Most of the time, even those people I winked at don’t have the confidence to come talk to me. They do look very cutely flustered, though.) (My mom used to call this my “Pretty Woman” walk — you know, from the movie? I’ve since noticed that Julia Roberts always has the walk, though I hope I’m a little less clunky looking! Less like I’m marching, more like I’m Just That Awesome.)

What else? I feel very femme in my low slung jeans, bare feet, and man’s undershirt. I can rock a man’s undershirt with the best of them (in a totally different way than butches do). Especially the white ones, that are practically sheer? Add in some finger- or toenail polish, and maybe my cute black hat, and I feel killerly femme. I feel femme any time I make anyone else do a double take. It’s an outside way to kick me right up into that femme state. I feel femme when someone opens a door for me, or lets me take their arm, or steps up and acts a little bit protective.

Hmm. This is where the lines between femme and kink start to blur. Because those last things? They’re also a kink of mine. Such a turn on. Makes me weak at the knees.

I also notice that most of my femme things are outward thing. I’ll have to think more, pay attention to when and why I feel femme. It’s a nice thing to notice, and gives me a sense of myself. *grins* I don’t think of myself as ‘acting’ femme all the time, and yet I always think I am femme. Now there’s something to consider.

Post Two! Kinks!

Everyday things that make me weak at the knees. As I said above, opening doors, letting me take your arm, being protective — all kinks. Chivalry, I suppose! Eyeliner on men. Suits and ties on women. Ties. And ribbons around my throat. Both for a very wicked sort of reason — despite the fact (maybe because of the fact…) that I have a hard time talking about sex, my mind is FULL of it. Every time I see a tie, or I wrap a ribbon around my throat, I’m reminded of the ability to grab it and pull someone in. To drag them around, or be dragged around. It’s socially acceptable bondage, and it makes me bite my lip and think evil thoughts. 😀

Oh, and of course, what got this whole post started. From G’s post, linked earlier:

…kiss the back of her neck as I zip up the back of her dress…

There is something about the nape of my neck. Probably has to do with all sorts of power dynamics, but the best part about getting dressed to go out when I was with DK? Putting on a necklace or needing help zipping up my dress. The brush of fingers, and the occasional kiss. Gives me shivers. Mmm.

Being physically pulled around. Manhandled is probably the right word — serious kink. Leaning against another’s strength, and PDAs. Not graphic ones, but more… claiming. I’m a little territorial. This is mine. (That look several of my SOs have gotten on their face when I do the ‘this is mine,’ slink and kiss. Half amusement, half tickled. Definitely a kink.)

A look and wink back, when I look and wink at someone else. I think that’s the only time I’ve ever approached a person in a bar — if they don’t have the guts to approach me, I’m probably going to steamroll them. But once, I did the grin and wink, and he grinned and winked back. It didn’t work out past that one night, but I was totally drawn in!

This list could go on forever. I may have to revisit and refine it later. 😉

But NOW, I should listen to my stomach and go find something to eat. I have another day of 4000 more words to write tomorrow. So much writing. So little time.



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