To The FemmeMobile! Away!











{March 1, 2010}   On sex, and meeting the right people

Okay, so the little speech I’d rehearsed the other day? I totally didn’t get to use it. (Those of you who haven’t read the protected post don’t know what I’m talking about. The short of it: I was trying to figure out how to tell a new person about my sexual issues without oversharing, while aware I had to say SOMETHING.)

Halfway through the night, Q asked me something or other, and that led to her asking something else, and the next thing I knew she was watching me curiously and asking all SORTS of questions and she pretty much just figured everything out. I’m… baffled, and amused. *laughs* Over phone conversations she grilled me on the rest of it, including the whys and wherefores of my issues (which I’ve talked about before), and she seems to think it’s an interesting challenge more than anything. This cracks me up. I can’t even tell you. She sort of takes it all in stride, and is proactive in working to fix it, without showing any sort of sympathy or pity (which, for me, is a good thing. As soon as I get sympathy or pity I stop being proactive and wallow in angst, and then I’m forced to slap myself). For instance, when I was bitching because she’d asked me something awkward via text, and I answered and asked her something awkward in return — or rather, asked if I could ask, which is how she’d started — she PHONED ME and I had to actually say it out loud, without being able to carefully rehearse beforehand. Her response was to just ask, like it was no big deal, “Do you want me to hang up and we can go back to text?” Which made me own up and take responsibility (Answer: No, because I want to get over this issue!), as well as make me realize — hey! This was no big deal. So, sometimes you get exactly who you need at the moment. 😉

We’re still dating casually, just having a lot of fun, but I find myself hesitating dating anyone else, though I know she is. (She thinks I’m tiny, I learned today, because the other woman she’d dating is taller and, perforce, heavier than I am. Q slings her around, so I’m like nothin’. *laughs*) I’d like to be farther along in this getting-over-things cycle, I think, before I start dating someone. I feel like I actually have a shot to make things better, and I’d like to be more comfortable in my skin and get used to new, healthier habits before I try those new habits out on others. In psychology terms, I’m retraining my mind, and the old habits are deep ruts, while the new ones are shallow impressions. It’s easy to slide right back into the deep ruts: I’d like the impressions to be deeper grooves, before I push them with someone else. I’d like to be reasonably used to talking about this stuff, so that when I have the added stress of a new person, I don’t slide.

I’m feeling hopeful, though. I’m feeling like I can do this, like I have the help I’ve been needing, and it’s pretty cool. 😀 And I trust Q on some fairly basic level — I’m picky about who I trust, but she sort of screams, “Hey! Over here! You can totally trust me!” Not to everyone, I’m sure, but certainly to me. 😉

OH! And she took me for a ride on her motorcycle. I mentioned it’s red, right? Into the mountains. Damn. I knew I had a thing for motorcycles.

J

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woohoooooooooooo! she sounds *awesome*. 🙂 🙂

also I’m totally jealous about the ride on the bike.



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