To The FemmeMobile! Away!

{April 4, 2010}   Butch bodies

Before I got distracted by SEX in my last post, there was something else I was going to talk about. Actually several somethings, but I forget what most of the rest were.

Bond mentioned a strap-on, and my thought was, “Oh, yeah, Q has a cock, too.” Dating someone who’s Very Butch has been a learning experience. Happily, a painless one. 😉

I’m incredibly grateful to some of the genderbending butches who’ve shared their blogs with me. (If you’re wondering who, just take a peek at the blogroll, hmm?) They very much paved the way so that I knew some of the big things I should be doing — pay attention or ask about pronouns, be respectful and ask about where and what I can touch, etc — so that I didn’t completely have my entire world turned on its head. Nothing was particularly strange and too-new, because I’d encountered it before on blogs.

On the other hand, in some ways Q is still a lot more female than I see. I think it’s a talking thing, if that makes sense. When someone is at the farther extreme, they talk about it — so I hear about stone butch and extreme masculine reactions to things and all that sort of stuff, but the butches who fall in the masculine-but-not-stone parts of the constellation don’t have the same need to talk about it and work through things, maybe. (Or maybe they don’t talk about it because there seems to be a push toward ‘masculine only,’ as seen when Ivan talked about getting matching towels and got teased for being a girl. Which, really, is an odd sort of sexism that makes me sad. Why is it bad to be a girl? Isn’t that the point of queer — being what you are, instead of male or female as society dictates? … Sexism in queer gender is so another post for another time.)

Anyway, there are things about Q that are unabashedly feminine, and I love those things. Queer is so freakin’ hot. BUT — and here’s the funny part — sometimes it throws me.

I mean, I hear about stone butch, because people who are marginalized talk about it. They talk about what it is and the issues they face and why it’s not something to be feared, ridiculed, or looked down upon. Other butches who have occasional feminine aspects don’t talk about those aspects — they aren’t things that need to be studied, because they’re normal-according-to-society, and taken in stride (or because butches get teased. :(). Since a lot of my experience with butch comes from blogs, I’m over exposed to the minority (because it’s talked about) and under exposed to the majority (because it’s not) — which is just kind of hilarious. Not bad by any means, but it does mean in some senses I’m playing catch-up.

I tend to be hesitant to be assertive in sex for many, many, many … manymanymanymany reasons. On top of that, I’m a little hesitant because I don’t want to make Q uncomfortable, and I’m over-exposed to stone butch, so if I haven’t had the chance to ask I simply don’t do something. Occasionally, Q will give me a slightly confused look and say, “You know, you can…” and then I scramble to play catch up. *laughs*

It’s fascinating, and I’m enjoying it.

She also says things like, “I’m so hard right now,” or alternately, “I’m so wet right now.” She asked me the other night if I preferred one. I told her they were both equally hot, and after some puzzled thought (because it hadn’t occurred to me that someone would have a preference, I thought of those statements as more about her), said I assumed they were a look into her current headspace (but still hot). There was a beat of silence before she nodded with one of those thoughtful-unreadable expressions on her face. I can’t remember what she said, but it was something along the lines of, “makes sense,” or “smart girl,” or something like that. It made me laugh in a, “Thank you, I know,” sort of way. 😉

Butch bodies. They vary, they may or may not have cocks or clits, they may or may not have different buttons that feel good or things that feel awkward. Q gets wet. And she gets hard. She has a clit and a cock, and both are distinctly sensitive in different ways. It seems… easy, frankly. In little things she tells me which she has at that moment, and it might change and that’s easy, too. *grins* Butch bodies vary from butch to butch, and within the same butch even moment to moment. And you know… I just don’t see that this is a big deal. But then, I’m hot on genderqueer. *grins*



Bond says:

Aww. What a nice post. 🙂

JB says:

Thank you. 🙂


I agree genderqueer is hot (and intriguing).


JB says:

*grins* Seriously. The more I look at genderqueer the less interested in men I become. *laughs*


bee listy says:

Great post. 🙂

JB says:

Thank you!


Dudette? Just because they’re tiny doesn’t mean clits can’t be hard either. I mean, they’re formed out of the same erectile tissue and all, right?

Is that helpful?

JB says:

LOL! Well, I didn’t have a problem to be helped with, but I did consider that, too. I’m just pretty sure that’s not how Q’s using the term ‘hard.’ 😉


My lady has a clit and a cock too! She’ll give me not-so-subtle hints about which one she has “right now” so I don’t mess it up… like “jerk my cock baby” if she’s feeling cocky (ha!) or “fuck me” if she’s feeling her clit and vagina.

JB says:

What do you know? The butch I’m seeing gives me the same oh-so-subtle hints. *grins* “Subtle” hints are such a good thing. ;-D


G says:

It tends to vary for me from day to day, or from sexual encounter to the next, but the constant for me is being attracted to the woman who can keep up, to the woman who can understand those hints you and Alphafemme talked about. I’ll admit that my fantasies trend toward more of the cock variety than anything else (big surprise there), but I value the flexibility to be and feel whatever it is I’m feeling that day.

My hat is off to you femmes who can understand and keep pace. You inject a little more validity into this genderqueer/butch person’s experience.

JB says:

*chuckles* You sound a bit like me — my constant is being attracted to the person who can keep up and not let me take over. ;-D Of course, my form of ‘keep up’ is slightly different than yours, I suspect.

I’ve now seen some femmes who insist that butch be one thing, and I hope they find a butch who is that one thing. But personally, I like the flexibility. It’s fun. *grins*


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