To The FemmeMobile! Away!











{July 19, 2010}   On being a chameleon, and practicalities

I just had an epiphany.

Lately, it’s been bothering me that I’m changing my wardrobe choices to more accurately reflect what Q likes. Now, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wearing clothes that will make your steady swallow their tongue with wearing clothes that will garner an excellent reaction with wearing clothes your steady will be comfortable with, but I’ve noticed a few mornings I chose not to wear something I kind of wanted to wear, because I was going to see Q later that day.

This bugs me. A lot.

When I was dating DK I found myself picking up more skirts and dresses, getting much more femme-y. She liked it, I got a great response from it, I could. When we stopped dating, I wore whatever the hell I felt like wearing, which was fewer skirts but still some, occasional tomboy clothes, lots of semi-andro clothes. (I say semi, because no boy would ever wear shorts as short as I do.) Then I started dating Q, who is more reserved in the clothes she likes, who generally leans more toward being attracted to andro and butch people than femme, and I started wearing more shorts, T-shirts, guy’s tanks, etc. All clothes I had worn before, but now I was wearing more of them.

At first, I thought about it and decided it was okay, because they were also the clothes I wanted to wear. I was sliding back toward my tomboy roots, and that was cool. But lately, as I said, a few times I’ve chosen NOT to wear something when I really wanted to, because of Q reasons. The funny thing is, they are often reasons like:
1. I’m going to see Q, and we might take the motorcycle (OMG THAT THING IS AWESOME) somewhere, so I need pants and shoes.
2. I’m going to see Q, and we’re going two-stepping, so I need jeans and cowboy boots.
3. I’m going to see Q, and we’re going horseback riding, so–

You see how this is working, right? Occasionally it’s,
4. I’m going to see Q, and I really want her to be all, ‘mmmm, you’re so sexy,’ so I’ll wear clothes that won’t unsettle her.

but that’s actually quite rare (most of the time I’m more like, “These clothes will unsettle her. Ha ha ha, it builds character and I like them! :D”). And she and I have talked about this, and she really doesn’t want me to change the clothes I wear on her account, so it’s certainly not like I’m getting pressure there. But if we’re going to do something that requires non-girly clothes, and I don’t want to pack my entire closet, then I kind of have to wear non-girly clothes.

Q fixed this. She didn’t mean to, and I hadn’t even realized she’d fixed it until tonight, but she did. You know how? I have a drawer at her place now. You guys. I have a drawer. Of my own. That I can put clothes in. I apparently have some underwear, socks, and a shirt there already (seemingly I misplace clothes as much as I misplace books — and now I keep thinking of “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off.” I love that song, but hate the video.), and I was thinking I might leave a pair of PJs there. (Psst: I don’t generally wear PJs. Except at Q’s, when I want something comfy to slouch around in. Except then I actually wear her clothes, ha ha. BUT, sometimes she has kids there, and I would rather walk around in my PJs in the morning than my underwear, oddly enough.) Then tonight, it occurred to me that I could leave OTHER things there. Things like a pair of jeans I don’t wear very often and so wouldn’t miss, but if I had them there then I could go up in my dress or whatever and still be able to go biking/two-stepping/etc without packing eighty zillion things! And an extra white tank, so that I could at a moment’s notice swap from girly clothes to andro-enough-for-if-we-go-out-and-I-don’t-want-to-wear-my-sundress clothes! And then I can wear my dresses. πŸ˜€ (I’m still not sure I’d wear my skirts. See, most of them are S H O R T. And they have shorts under them, so it’s not even like fun skirts. They just look good. *grins*)

Also, I’m having femmey glee at having a drawer of my own. Sure, it makes sense and it tickles the practical side of me, too, as well as the romantic side and the side that really likes Q, but — I’m not even sure I can explain it. It’s exciting, that’s all. πŸ˜€ And now my practical side WILL be much happier, and I’ll feel less like a chameleon, changing how I look to please the people around me. My practical side can rest easy that I’m not packing tons of clothes, and my ego side can be happy that I’m not changing how I look to please someone else. WOO HOO!

J

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Jolie says:

I actually had to walk away and think before I came back and commented on this post.

I do the same thing, although I never thought about it in quite this context before. By nature, I’m a pleaser (in spite of my best efforts to be a complete bitch at all times). I enjoy my girly self, but I also don’t really care all that much about what specific clothes I wear. So when I get a strong positive reaction to an outfit, I tend to lean toward similar outfits.

Interesting stuff.

I’ll have to spend some time on this at some point.



JB says:

*laughs* Exactly; I think you nailed it better than I could! I tend to lean toward similar outfits. πŸ˜€ But sometimes I do it to the exclusion of what I want to wear, and that’s when it bothers me.

Also ditto on the people-pleasing despite my best attempts to be a bitch at all times… I’ll have to work on that. ;-D

J



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