To The FemmeMobile! Away!

{October 25, 2010}   Things Lezzies Don’t Tell You

When they gave me my Lesbian Green Card (Bi Now, Gay Later!), part of the propaganda was, “Don’t worry, you and your lady friend will cycle together so you only have to deal with periods and PMS once a month, even though there are two of you!”


Q warned me, when we started dating, that she tended to pull people to her cycle. My body, however, is apparently as bull-headed as my mind, and promptly went, “Try it, beeyoch!” What proceeded was a Battle of the Bodily Cycles unlike any that has ever been seen.

There still hasn’t been a conclusion. People, we’ve been dating for SEVEN MONTHS. Wait, let me count.  EIGHT MONTHS. Once upon a time, eight months ago, my cycle was like clockwork. Every four weeks, I would spot a bit around Monday and Tuesday, stop Wednesday, a little bit on Thursday, and start my period Thursday night (typically between 11 p.m. and 1 a.m.). The only thing that changed was how long my period lasted (3-5 days) and occasionally I’d spot Wednesday or stop spotting Monday or Tuesday, instead.

This month, on the other hand, I started spotting heavily two weeks ago… stopped… started again last Monday… stopped… didn’t spot at all until last night, when I suddenly started BLEEDING ZOMG.

I am not impressed. The worst part is that I can’t even say, “Well, at least Q and I are on the same schedule so we can have three weeks of blood-free sex,” because her period ended several days ago! AGH. (The good news is, that’s what towels are for.) (Ha ha, I’m totally pointing and laughing at you people who just got grossed out.) (This has to be good for something, after all.)

Humph. I bought chocolate graham cracker goldfish, and Q is going to make me hot toddies. I suppose that while that doesn’t make up for it, it at least makes it better. 😉



q says:

Actually, I made you hot buttered rums. And I have plenty of towels. *grin*

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