To The FemmeMobile! Away!

{November 3, 2010}   Sex. Again.

So! Things have been going very well. Until lately. More details than you really need under the cut.

I assume this is a stress thing, but lately I start to come, and then… stop. And it’s not just with Q, but even when I’m on my own! It’s totally my brain kicking in again, and therefore I assume it’s stress or lack of sleep (sometimes, these are one and the same), but it’s still frustrating!

I realized it was getting really bad the other day when I had Q on the phone, and we were having phone sex (OMG, we have lots of kinds of sex. I’m in love with our sex life. >.>), and I started and stopped three times before that voice in the back of my head started up, “She’s probably bored. You could just fake it. It’s almost happened. It’s not even like it’s really cheating (side note: Cheating in the sense of not playing fair, because she asked me never to fake it and I agreed) because she’s not here, and since she’s not here she wouldn’t know…”

At that point I just told her I didn’t think it was going to happen. (It happened about thirty seconds later; another sign that I’m over thinking. As soon as the pressure’s gone, I’m fine.) While I was happy with myself for saying something rather than giving into the urge to lie, the fact that I had the urge to lie — when that hasn’t happened in a long time — was a head’s up to me that this is worse than I thought.

Q is gone on her trip, but I’ve already decided to say something before we start shenanigans on Saturday when she gets back, because I’m afraid otherwise that tempting voice will be back and I don’t want to have to worry about it.

I tell my clients (I train dogs with behavioral problems) all the time that backslides are to be expected, and not to worry about it when it happens, and I’ve gotten really good at listening to myself with my clients and then trying to apply it to me, too (turns out I give good advice, when I think to listen to it!), but it’s still frustrating.

Of course, the more I’m frustrated about it, the more I’m stressed the worse it gets, which is part of the reason I figured I’d talk to Q right away; it takes the frustration and stress away, mostly. (Also, the day on the phone she assured me later that she never gets bored, which is exactly what I needed to hear.)

The really frustrating thing is, I can’t see any reason for this to be happening, now.  I think there should be some obvious mark that I’m totally stressed, and that’s not the case. I was stressed not too long ago; maybe that started it, and my stress about this new development then sustained it? That’s… not hard to believe, actually.

Well, there you have it. Good and bad. I feel really lucky to have found Q, I have to say. She’s exactly what I need, and I can’t imagine anyone having my tastes for things and always somehow knowing what I need to hear and being so cool with all this. I feel pretty special. 😀



ulla says:

There’s nothing like being adored to make a person feel powerful 🙂

JB says:

*laughs!* Seriously! And Q is pretty good at that. 😉


Q says:

Um, you are pretty special…and tasty too. Glad we talked. Don’t worry, my delicious little morsel. The sometimes elusive “Big O” isn’t the goal; being together is the goal, and that is accomplished even during phone sex.

JB says:

As I recall, so was the “Big O”… You’re awesome, baby. 🙂


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