To The FemmeMobile! Away!











{December 1, 2010}   Pet peeve

You know what I hear all the time that’s good, but unrealistic and therefore not helpful, advice? (Not given to me, but advice being given to someone else.)

“If you can’t talk about it, you shouldn’t be doing it.”

This is about as sensible (and realistic) as, “If you don’t want to get pregnant, you shouldn’t be having sex.”

1. I don’t want to get pregnant.

2. I’m NOT going to stop having sex.

 

1. I have a hell of a time talking about sex.

2. I’m NOT going to stop having sex.

3. I’m not going to talk about sex unless I’m having, or preparing to have, sex.

4. Most of the time, this advice is given to people with issues or teenagers.

5. A teenager is not going to not have sex just because they’re too embarrassed to talk about it, therefore, this advice is unrealistic and unhelpful.

6. Unless someone doesn’t talk about sex because of trauma that lands them in therapy, they’re not going to talk about it until they’re planning on having it.

7.  (From what I can tell) most people talk about sex and learn to talk about sex in the process of having sex.

 

This piece of advice really pisses me off. I mean, in large part I know it pisses me off because it’s threatening to me: I had a hard time talking about sex. I knew that the only way I was going to get over that was to like someone enough to want to have sex, and then talk to them about it. I also knew I wasn’t going to sit down and chat with someone about it until it came up because we wanted to do it, and in that case I wasn’t going to sit and chat about it, I was going to bring it up as needed, in the moment. If I were to follow this advice, I would A) never have sex and B) never learn to talk about sex because I was never HAVING sex. Plus, I could talk about sex in the abstract, I just couldn’t talk about sex when it came down to, “I like that/Pet me there/Etc” so it’s not like I could sit and discuss sex in general and get over this problem. If I followed this advice, which is incredibly prevalent, I’d be celibate.

See? Threatening to me.

Also, as I said before, most often this advice is given to teenagers. Do you REALLY think they’re going to be celibate because they can’t talk about it? Sheeya, right.

Anyway. Yeah. Done ranting now. ;-D

J

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