To The FemmeMobile! Away!











{January 29, 2011}   sex anxiety – WILL THIS NEVER END?! (no.)

I’ve noticed, over the last month or so, that my sex anxiety has been ramping back up. I have no idea why. I’d like to say it’s PMS, exhaustion, stress, or something of the sort, but I haven’t been PMSing for a whole month, I’ve been reasonably well rested, and not stressed out.

There are certainly reasons for it, if I stop and think about it.

1. Q and I have been dating for almost a year, now. o.O I keep expecting that the honeymoon phase will end, and either we’ll have less sex, or I’ll want less sex and have to deal with saying ‘no’ and OMG what happens then? Now, neither of these things have happened, but I think I’m expecting it so strongly that I’m seeing it, even though it isn’t there. (Just when I come to grips with the idea that things between us will change over time, and that’s okay, I realize I’m not okay with ME changing over time. At least, not in an area where I’m already feeling fragile.)

2. I’ve been having anxiety dreams/waking nightmares. I don’t like talking about them. In fact, I’ve never talked about the content of them to anyone, just that I have them. Someday, I’m going to have to talk about them, and I’ll realize they’re not so bad and it was really just a boogeyman in the closet — open the closet, and it goes away. But today is not that day. Let’s just say, the nightmares aren’t helping my sex mindset.

I’ve been staring at this screen for fifteen minutes now, and I can’t think of a damn thing else to say. I’m just very tired of this. 😦

J

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