To The FemmeMobile! Away!

{July 21, 2011}   My tender, transgender heart.

Ha, I love talking about shit I know nothing about. >.>

So, this is a post that’s been literally months in the making. Months and months ago, while at Texas Rose (a women-only two-step place), I picked up a flier for Texas Rose. I was scanning its info, as you do, and I saw this:

“Texas Rose: for lesbians and their FTM friends.”

Now, at first I was like, “Excellent.” But then I got to thinking about it a little more. This gets tangled pretty quickly. I mean, if FTM are, y’know, male, wouldn’t they prefer to be in a male space? Except it’s partly to find people and possible partners; assuming most of them are still attracted to women (either a huge or very minor assumption, depending on what you read), wouldn’t they rather be here? But then wouldn’t the lesbians who are only attracted to women and not trans folk be offended?

Then I read Bond‘s post (forever ago) on Trans being pretty damn invisible in the LGBTQ community, and how it gets lumped in various places, and I thought about it even MORE.

See, there are several sides to the argument here, just that I can see. There’s the side that’s lesbian-centered, of the lesbians who say, “If they’re men, they’re MEN and not lesbian, and therefore do not belong here.” And I can see that point; in that theory, FTM gents still attracted to women would, I guess, belong in a straight bar. But!

There’s the theory that says an FTM will have a lot more luck (and MUCH more safety) partner-hunting in a space that’s already queer-friendly, where they likely already have friends and contacts and people who’ve seen them through the transition, in a lesbian/queer space. I suppose you could say an FTM should then head to a gay bar, but there’s issues with that, too. What if they’re attracted to women? What if gay men are less interested in dating FTMs? I don’t know if that’s true, but given the underlying desire NOT to date an MTF in the lesbian community — as if you’re no longer lesbian if you date someone who’s MTF — I’d guess it’s pretty close.

I’ve also heard that trans folk should have their own trans spaces (not in a ‘get out of here’ context, but in a supportive context) and I tentatively agree. I mean, I like having my queer spaces, and if I were trans I imagine I’d like having a trans space, too. Of course, the BIG problem there is… well, there aren’t a lot of trans folk in general, so it’s much harder to be feasible.

Q and I sat at dinner and talked about it a while the other day, coming from varying viewpoints and basically chasing it around in circles. On one extreme, Q knows several die-hard feminist lesbians who really feel violated by FTMs being in their space, because it brings a male energy. On the other extreme, we both know several people dating FTMs, who feel like of course the FTMs should still be allowed in lesbian space because that’s how their partners (often) identify, and because that’s where their friends and exes and support is. To be honest, I can see both points (even if I don’t agree with both points), and I can also imagine how, if I were trans, I could feel either way (don’t want to be in a lesbian space because it’s a lesbian space and I’m not lesbian, and at the same time much prefer to be in a lesbian space because it’s probably a bigger pool of likely partners – I know a fair number of lesbians who would date/have dated FTMs).

It is a conundrum.

In short, there are a lot of problems and no answers that I see, and I’m selfishly glad I’m not trans and it’s only something I have to ponder, not live. But really, the point of this post is that Judy is still my favorite character in any movie ever and I want to be her when I grow up, and I ‘ship Judy/Francis.




DK says:

Judy is gold-standard fabulosity. I love that film purely for her.

I’m interested that the Texas Rose welcomes lesbians and FTMs, but not (at least, via flyer) MTFs. If FTMs are MEN, then MTFs should be women. Or WOMEN, I guess. (I know this is often not considered the case, particularly women-only spaces, and it annoys me deeply, especially after reading this post.)

… unless you count women-loving MTFs under the umbrella of lesbians. Wow, fail, self. *laughs*

Regarding cis-men dating trans-men, I’ve heard it both ways; some cis-men do the ‘EW, COOTIES’ thing (like the douche getting spiked in this post, whereas some cis-guys are perfectly happy to date trans-guys, which I’ve heard more about by word of mouth from Zach’s RL gay friends, both cis and trans, than online.

I have no idea what I’d do about the issue with the dance hall. Speaking personally, I’d probably want to go just on the off-chance of meeting similarly-identified/friendly people. But I think that’s a reaction very much tied in to being newly identified. For someone who’s been transitioned for ten years, I’m sure it’s very different.

JB says:

I did find it interesting that MTFs weren’t listed as welcome, and I think that’s partly what made me sit up and take notice, though I forgot to mention it here. Maybe MTFs are welcome as, y’know, women, and so I’m just being cis-sexist or something. I dunno.

For Texas Rose, there are LOTS of butches and FTMs, but it still does make me wonder. Hmmm.

Anyway. I shall go read posts shortly! 🙂


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