To The FemmeMobile! Away!

{August 28, 2011}   Failing spectacularly

You know, I generally try to be the better person. I try really hard to keep my cool in the face of stupidity and think to myself, “If you attack, they won’t take anything away. If you reason, they might listen.”

(Part of me also then thinks, “No they won’t! Reasoning is for the middle-of-the-road people, not the maniacs who’ve already made up their mind to one extreme or the other!” I’ve read WAY TOO MANY STUDIES on this kind of shit, and sometimes become my own worst enemy.)

But I try to be the better person and keep my cool. When I can’t, I try and walk away. And hey, I’m good at letting claws peek out while I’m smiling, anyway, or at least I think I am.Β  Though, in general, I try to be reasonable and not prick people… though I AM more likely to do it if it’s someone I don’t know. Less respect, less personhood for unknown people, you know? Same reason it’s easy to be an ass to someone online that you’ve never met: they’re faceless.

Anyway. Some (self-identified) masculinized-female is being a dick over in DK’s old blog. DK wrote this in his new blog: “My friends defended my honour and theirs with grace and cutting verbage,” and yeah, it’s definitely Nezu with the grace, because I am certainly not acting with any of that. (I like to think I have cutting verbage. >.>)

…I don’t feel particularly bad about it. I haven’t come right out and name called (though I did use the words “judgemental” “discriminatory” and various other socially-triggering things, but I don’t really care), but I certainly feel like the claws are out.

I have very sharp claws. I generally keep them sheathed, mostly because when I don’t I regret it. Either because I hurt someone and have Guilt, or because I kick myself later for burning bridges, or because I’ve been such a shit that I’m a little horrified at myself. So far, I’ve managed to travel the line that keeps me from being horrified at myself, and I don’t have Guilt.

The last time the claws came out was also over gender issues, on my blog — well, in comments that never made it to my blog, and then email. That person showed up here a while later to lambast me some more, and those comments didn’t go through, either (though I was sorely, sorely tempted, out of sheer spite. See, I would have felt bad about that – I’m guessing she didn’t think the comments would go through, since it was pretty much vitriol aimed at me. *sighs* And even over email and in the face of insults, I remained polite. I want a cookie, damn it). (It should be noted that I used something that person said as an example of a fallacious argument, so I wasn’t at all surprised I got the vitriolic comment/email… See, I’m really not so innocent. That would be claws-out-with-a-smile, because I never attributed it to her, I was polite in the email,Β and I didn’t pass her extremely nasty comment through to let everyone else see what a shit she was being…)

What is it about lesbians hauling off and being so very nasty to transpeople? (Is it supposed to be Trans people? I think I read that somewhere, but can’t remember.) I mean, I hear straight folk say some dumb-ass things, but I haven’t personally heard anyone straight say bitchy and outright insulting things. Lesbians, though, I’ve heard that to my face, as it were, twice, and overheard it other times.

Is it that FTMs are threatening? Making the already-small pool of possible partners smaller? Is it hard-core feminist lesbians who see FTMs as selling out? Is it that it makes us aware that, gasp, our own gender journey could not be finished and there might be MORE hard changes in store, and so it’s scary to see? Is it that lesbians are like everyone else, and things that are very different alarm them?

Probably all of the above, to one extent or another.

Anyway. I feel like a bitch in the 1700’s, when conversation was everything. When if you wanted to say something truly mean, you still found a pretty way to say it. I’ve failed spectacularly in being the better person, but at least I’m saying it with confidence and in thoughtful, creative ways. *wry smile*



Nezu says:

On Vitriol in DK’s Blog
If you find yourself tempted to succumb to Guilt over this particular issue, please come to me so that I can remind you that the weight on your shoulders is actually the Hero cape. I loved what you had to say, how articulate you were, and most of all that you were there, coming to DK’s defense, and by extension to my own, since it wasn’t just DK being attacked, but all trans (or Trans? Have I been dissing my own people with my lowercase habit?) people. Claws aren’t always the wrong choice, and you used yours surgically.

Between the two of us we managed to cover most of the important points. I think we make an excellent Good Cop/Bad Cop team, and should the need arise, I’d be honored to join forces with you again.

On Trans-hate Amongst Lesbians
I’ve wondered about that, too. It’s not just FTMs who come in for it. We’re railed at for being “traitors, undermining the cause, or taking the easy way out,” MTFs are excluded and reviled as “not real Lesbians, dominating and overbearing, or full of negative male energy.”

I suspect you’re right about at least some of the causes there, especially that fear aspect. I think there must be a whole seam of fear that’s easily mined: fear of change, fear of loss, fear of the unknown, fear of losing control… I’ll have to explore that more with some thinky thoughts of deep thoughtfulness sometime.

On Cookies
When you come visit on Tuesday, we can go to Marzetti’s bakery and I will happily get you one. ❀

JB says:

On Vitriol
Ha! Thanks, Nezu. Surgically… I like that. No response from whoizwhatizts either… maybe we surgically removed her . πŸ˜‰

On Trans vs trans
I don’t know! Bond mentioned it in passing on YIDPUNK, but I haven’t seen anything on it anywhere else. Of course, I don’t look up trans stuff all that often… if I have a free minute, I look up femme stuff! πŸ˜‰

On Trans Hate Amongst Lesbians
Yes, exactly. Thinky thoughts of deep thoughtfullness are needed. πŸ˜‰

On Cookies


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