To The FemmeMobile! Away!

{September 10, 2011}   I kissed a girl, too!

You know that song by Katy Perry, “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It”? Well, I remember when it came out — hadn’t quite come out more than to kinda sorta mentioned I might maybe be bi — and seriously, I was so terrified of the ridicule it received.

First off, I really liked the song. I still do! But second off, there was this idea (among lesbians, I should clarify, or at least the lesbians I knew) that to experiment like that was Wrong. That it was Terrible and Offensive to kiss a girl and like it. That the character in the song was just Faking It and making light of lesbianism.

I was terrified of being that girl. That was one of the biggest reasons it took me SO LONG to come out, because without experimenting I couldn’t be sure, but I didn’t want to be the girl who said she was bi and experimented and realized it wasn’t for her. I was scared shitless of being a poser! (The other reason it took me so long to come out was a lack of butch people around. I think I’d have figured it out earlier if I’d seen some hot butches earlier!)

I love that song now more than ever. Maybe the character in the song was just doing it for attention. (Though I’d have to argue that her boyfriend doesn’t seem to be present… so it’s not his attention she’s trying to get, and presumably if she has a boyfriend she’s not looking for another.) Maybe the character in the song kisses that one girl, likes it, goes back to her boyfriend and never crosses that line again. Maybe that girl kisses a girl, likes it, goes home and dumps her boyfriend and realizes she’s lesbian. It’s all good! What’s actually happening in the song, after all?


Except for a lucky, and precious, few we all have to experiment to figure out what we like and don’t like. We all have to try things on before we know what fits. That song told me it was okay to try things on, and I love it. It makes me sad when I hear people bash it as a girl getting attention — which is what I hear most of the time. I don’t think she is. I think she’s learning about herself!

Thinking about it a little more, I also wonder about the homophobic reactions to the song. I mean, if people are angry at hearing the song because she kissed a girl and liked it, how much of that is just being disturbed at the gayness of it? Hmmm.

I remember there being massive feminist reactions, too, that she was only kissing girls to get the boys attention. While I do know girls who do that, the fact that the feminist section of my friends assumed only that was kind of hurtful. What, she couldn’t be experimenting? Apparently not. She could only be doing it for men. Yeesh, what a thing to say.

Hmm, now I’m not sure how to wrap this up. Look! Ponies!



Q says:

I love that song and love that you brought this issue up. I don’t see the big deal with it either, and think the feminist lezzies, or just plain feminists, need to chill out over it. Like you said, most people need to experiment. Think of all the confused gay youth out there who maybe need a song like this to relate to, or to hear that it’s okay to experiment or okay to kiss someone of the same sex. I say YAY to Katy for putting it out there in main stream pop music. And I love that line about “the taste of her cherry chapstick…” After all, until Bert’s Bees honey chapstick, didn’t all butch dykes carry the traditional cherry chapstick? I know I did! LOL.

JB says:

Hee hee, it makes me giggle to think of you with cherry chapstick… 😉

But yes, I agree! Hooray for experimentation! 😀


alice says:

you are so right! we can’t all be lucky to know exactly what we prefer sexually. and the only way to now if you like something or not is to experiment. I think that that’s why Bisexuals get such a bad rap, b/c people think it’s just a resting place, so to speak before coming out as gay. I am a BiFemme, and society def seems to look down on being bi as that you can’t make up your mind. but dies it even matter? what’s with everyone’s need for labels? besides, experimenting is the same as trying. you don’t know if you like something unless you try it right?

JB says:

Yes, exactly! I still haven’t decided if I’m bi or gay, and I probably won’t know. I don’t think my boifriend would appreciate me experimenting at this point! ;-D But it was definitely a problem I hit when I was firmly bi!

I understand it, sort of. I mean, imagine being gay and getting your heart broken because someone was “just” experimenting, and decided it wasn’t for them? But then, that could be the same with someone experimenting with hair color, too! …well, maybe not hair color, but you get the idea. 😉


it’s a fucking song and katy perry isn’t the barometer of serious lyrics. people should have just enjoyed it for what it was. in turn it was over discussed and impacted people like you (that should be encouraged to kiss girls).

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